So there I was standing in the rain freaking out; talking on the phone with my brother. Not knowing where my life was going, or what my purpose was. I felt like a failure; like I was letting everyone down if I didn't continue on the path that I was on. Then my brother said something so profound that provided so much clarity to me. "You are a fucking Artist. You need to be making Art."
I had just spent the last hour or more with the feeling that someone I loved was in crisis. Panicking, I called my Mom, my Dad, and my sister- who promptly called my brothers. I checked on my husband- then boyfriend. Everyone was okay. My mom said to me, "Maybe, just maybe you are the one that is not okay." At the time I worked 40+ hours a week and was pulling all nighters to get my studying done. I had been going 100 miles an hour towards a career I wasn't meant for.
So I dropped the classes I was taking, and I instantly felt like a boulder had been taken off my shoulders. I decided to take some time off from school. That summer we traveled to Virginia to our friend's Dad's place. We adventured and explored it was fantastic.
During that trip, I was given a Pentax 35mm manual camera. I held that camera in my hand, and it was like I came alive. I was reminded of my love photography, its processes, and that pull on the heartstrings- punctum that photographs give a person. I got so stoked just trying to describe the way the image lays on the paper. This was truly a defining moment for me and my future.
I attribute these moments as catalysts to where I am now. One of my big takeaways from this time in my life, now with a little distance from it; is that things sometimes need to get messy and muddled before the can be great. Sometimes you need someone you love to give you the perspective you need in order to make the scary decisions.
So let things get messy sometimes, and see what beauty can come of it.
During all that time I spent studying Medical Terminology and Anatomy and Physiology I can't remember the difference between Squamous Cells and Cuboidal Cells. but I found some epic new musicians during my 4 am study sessions.