2018 was by far the hardest year for me ‒ in sad and beautiful ways. It was punctuated with loss, growth and beautiful support.
For most of 2018, I was pregnant and, for some reason, maybe because I am making a human, I had little creative flow. I knew this bout was coming because that same thing happened with my first pregnancy. So, I was more prepared this time around for it. I am excited to see what manifests when the fog finally lifts.
I spent this past year working toward what I want to accomplish stylistically. It is something I will always be striving for and evolving. I worked with amazing clients and fellow photographers this past year. They were gracious enough to work with me while I explored new styles and types of photography. Influencers like Elena S. Blair Photography, Sandra Coan and Kirsten Lewis inspired this shift in my work and the way I am running my business.
On Sept. 15, my mother lost her 15-year fight with cancer. It has been hard as I try to navigate life without her. Especially while my two-year-old is testing all the boundaries that exist and the arrival of a new baby. I know she wasn't ready to leave, but I also know she was tired after fighting for so long. (Here is a series I did shadowing her as she went through radiation and chemo.)
It wasn't lost on me that my Bean was born Dec. 15. Now the 15th is no longer the day that marks my mom's transition from this world but one that ushered one magnificent little man into it. Mothering two tinys has been a learning experience. Yes, it is easier the second time around with Bean, but Bug has been the wildcard. I ask for a little grace as I find my footing as a mother of two.
I haven't set any hard resolutions this year. Partly because "baby brain" is a real thing, but also because I know that it took six months to find a semblance of normal with Bug. I do have some intentions, though. I plan on doing the 52 Weeks Photography Project. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram to see those images. I hope to build better business practices by learning more about running a business in general. In addition, I want to make art again. I don't know what that looks like yet, but I will know when it presents itself to me.
Lastly, I want to try to give myself more grace. I hear this all the time. “Give yourself grace.” It is HARD. I beat myself up over not being a good mom, a good photographer, a good friend, sister, daughter, human, etc. Therefore, I am going to try and be a little forgiving of my faults and my not so pretty moments this year.
My biggest take away from 2018 is the importance of your people. The people who have your back amidst the craziest of times. From the loss of my mom, the birth of my son and all of the roller coaster of emotions in between, I have had the best people there supporting me ‒ showing up for me. That has been invaluable, and I am so very lucky to have many amazing folks in my life. I don’t know what I would have done without them.
I picked “What About Us” to end the year with because it was the song that got me verklempt every single time I heard it while pregnant.